


Three taps (into your heart)

by Delirious_Insanity



Series: Tapping (into the heart) [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Is Bad at Feelings, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy Hargrove Redemption, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Neil Hargrove's A+ Parenting, Non-Graphic Violence, Recreational Drug Use, Soft Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26971987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delirious_Insanity/pseuds/Delirious_Insanity
Summary: "(Billy was, admittedly, scared. It had been so long since he loved someone, what if he messed up?)Without thinking, he tapped Steve's heart three times.Tap, tap, tap."
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Heather Holloway, Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Billy Hargrove & Neil Hargrove, Billy Hargrove & Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley/Heather Holloway
Series: Tapping (into the heart) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1963798
Comments: 4
Kudos: 79





	Three taps (into your heart)

Billy was scared.

He didn't know why he did that, why he apologized to Harrington. He usually left it alone, but something in him wanted to apologize, an apology that wasn't _forced from his throat, hands squeezing and choking until he answers-_

wasn't truthful. He actually wanted to be truthful, which scared him. 

Billy really felt sorry, but the why is lost to him.

_Is it because Harrington has a kicked puppy look on his face? The bruises that peak out in basketball, covered well enough? Or, maybe, it's the eye bags that are miles long, does he ever sleep?_

(If he worries about Harrington, he doesn't. He just doesn't want the team to lose at matches.)

~~~

The morning he apologized was no different than any other. 

Waking up every couple hours to small creaks and noises, stay awake to make sure _Neil doesn't walk in here, beating his face in while talking about how much of a faggot he was-_

make sure that no one broke in. 

He would get up at dawn, take a quick shower, then retreat back to his room. 

(Sometimes, if Susan woke up early that day, he would leave to help her make breakfast. They never said anything, both ignoring the bruises that were hidden under his clothes.)

Susan stayed in bed, so he knocked quietly on Max's door at 7:20, giving her 30 minutes to get ready. He waited until he heard a responding knock, then left back to his own room.

Getting out his hair products, he set to making each curl perfect, even if his face was blank in the mirror. 

When finished, Billy left and made a small batch of scrambled eggs, tapping on Max's door three times to let her know. 

They both ate, ignoring how bland they were, and left as soon as the dishes were dry and put back. 

They didn't talk in the car, but when Max left at Hawkins Middle, she tapped his arm three times. He responded, tapping her hand quickly as she pulled away. 

(Billy doesn't remember when they started this tradition. 

Maybe it was when she walked in and _saw him laying in a pool of his own blood, Neil hovering above him with his fists drawn back-_

saw him fixing the skateboard he broke.)

When he drove to the high school, he saw Harrington's Beamer parked close to the school. Suddenly, he thought about his bruised, swollen face, _so similar to his own, way back in California, after getting caught-_

how he couldn't see afterwards. He was filled with a sudden wanting to apologize. 

Before he could stop himself, he tapped on Harrington's car window, a cigarette between his lips and the pack in his hand. He was fighting himself, trying not to storm off in anger.

(Who he was angry at? He could only guess.)

He opened the door, only slightly cautious, a haunted look in his eyes. 

Billy gave him a cigarette, mumbling an apology. He saw the moment when Harrington realized what he said, lighting his cigarette before strutting away.

(He wasn't running away, he had a class to get to, that was all.)

Billy spent the rest of the day watching Harrington, feeling emotionally lighter. He saw the puzzled face Harrington would make, so different from his usual blank one. 

It made Billy happy, to distract Harrington from whatever thoughts usually ate at him. 

~~~

A month passed quickly, _Harrington_ becoming _Steve_.

Billy couldn't find it in himself to care, but they were quickly becoming friends. He found himself at the quarry most nights, some days, just sitting in silence with Steve. 

When they did talk, it was usually about mundane things, never falling into personal information.

He was also angry at himself, for putting off the apology for so long. If he had known he could've had this, he would've done it the night after, the night _an alien being fell out of the fridge, it's maw full of razor sharp teeth that had to be real-_

the night he busted Steve's face in. 

They worked well together, the coach taking notice and eagerly making plays with them as the main focus. 

~~~

They soon started meeting at school, spending lunches together, smoking blunts behind the bleachers, joking in second period. 

Steve met Robin, Billy met Heather. 

He didn't bring her to hang out with them, as she was the only one who had an actual group of friends. 

They usually hung out in the morning, both being early for the few extra minutes of goofing off. 

All of them got into trouble, but no one said anything if someone came back with suspicious bruises and lies that were certainly repeated. 

They just ignored them, and went about their day, goofing off and falling in love.

~~~

It was early February when Billy came out. 

Robin had just shared her story, looking lost and waiting for rejection. 

So, he told them about himself, _ignoring how Neil's voice was a mantra in his head, screaming faggot over and over and over-_

about how he really felt, how he never did like girls, but his dad wouldn't stand to have his only son a _faggot_.

(If he saw Steve flinch, well, he must not want to be friends anymore.)

Both him and Robin looked at Steve, waiting for the rejection they were bound to get. 

However, Steve just got a far away look on his face, before he admitted what happened at Tina's party. How Nancy thought they were bullshit, how his love was bullshit. 

(Steve never said it, but Billy heard how he thought he was bullshit, too)

He even went as far as to say that it was hard for him to see them together, but he couldn't leave them. They went through so much together.

(Billy tried to ignore the image that popped into his head, the dead alien body slumped onto the floor.)

When Steve finished, he gave them all a beer, not saying anything about the tears that leaked from their eyes. 

Instead, they all cheered to horrible lives, gulping the beer like they were starved.

~~~

The first time Billy was at Steve's, it was only a week after they came out. 

Neil had been in a bad mood because of his job, so the rules had changed, far too quick for Billy to catch on. 

He didn't take out the trash fast enough, he was a minute late back from getting Max, his hair was too long, his earring was too long.

Everything he did bothered Neil, until Saturday night, when he finally hammered down on Billy's broken body. 

Blood fell from his nose, certainly broke, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. He just knew he needed to leave, get to the quarry, _Steve will be there, he'll help you, he'll take care of you-_

smoke a cigarette and lick his wounds. 

When he was finally able to leave, he practically ran to the quarry, Neil having taken the keys. Billy snuck out an hour after he had fallen asleep, tapping Max's window so she'd know. 

When he finally arrived at the quarry, Steve was already there, his legs hanging over the edge. Billy felt tears cloud his vision as he slumped down beside him.

Steve handed him a cigarette, lighting it for him. He didn't question where the Camaro was, why Billy was bruised. 

Instead, he held him as he cried quietly, Billy's fingers digging harshly into the arm around his shoulder.

~~~

The first time he held Steve was a month later, only a week after the dare. 

He was there to help him with his Math, something Steve had expressed he struggled with. 

At the sound of the door opening, Steve was white as a ghost, frantic to explain what he was doing, what Billy was doing there.

(Even though John Harrington looked like he believed Steve, Billy knew better. He wore the same face Neil did when they had guests, but promised a beating later.)

He knew what Steve was doing when he rushed him out of the house. Knew that Steve was getting it over, because _Neil would do it no matter how late, break his bones and bruise his skin. Beat him and beat him more for crying, for not being a man-_

because it was better to get it over with.

Billy made him promise to be at the quarry, staring into hazel eyes that held nothing but fear and resignation. 

Billy waited for five hours, the night turning to morning. He knew that he would get beat for being out all night, but he had to wait for Steve. 

(He didn't think about how much time had passed, if Steve would even be able to come. If he was alive. No, he didn't think about that at all.)

When Steve finally showed up, Billy was ready to cry. To scream and hunt down John Harrington, beat him the way he beat Steve. 

Steve just sat beside him, bummed a cigarette, and cried. Billy only held him, not forcing Steve to talk.

He knew he sure wouldn't. 

~~~

The second time he held Steve, he understood a little more. 

They had an hour until they had to pick up the kids, all of them wasting money at the arcade. 

Instead of sitting in the parking lot, they went to the quarry, smoking cigarettes and enjoying each other's company.

(Billy noticed the faded bruises, didn't believe Steve when he said he fell. If he gave Steve chocolate that day, he just didn't want it.)

It had taken all of five minutes for Steve to break down. 

He told Billy everything, from John Harrington to the alien creature from the fridge.

(Apparently called a demodog, whatever that means.)

Billy took everything in, listened as best he could. His heart broke for the bit beside him, a terrifying feeling.

It was then he realized he loved the man sitting beside him. Loved him more than anything in the world.

(Billy was, admittedly, scared. It had been so long since he loved someone, what if he messed up?)

Without thinking, he tapped Steve's heart three times.

Tap, tap, tap.

He launched himself into telling Steve about his problems, how much he missed California and his mom. 

Also, he admitted knowing what a demodog was.

After everything that they talked about, they were now officially boyfriends, and Billy's heart was about to burst.

~~~

The third time he held Steve, he was scared. Terrified.

Billy thought he was dead, below the stairs with dried blood on his lips. Steve's eyes were slanted, his chest barely moving. Billy almost broke. 

Instead, he gathered him into his arms, ignoring the gasps of horror from behind him. 

(Normally, he'd be there alone, but they all planned a night of movies and snacks when Steve's parents left. So, Robin and Heather were there to see everything.)

He took Steve to the bathroom, washing the blood from his hair, trying not to _think about Steve being dead, holding his lifeless body in his arms. Skin and lips a hue of blue, cold to the touch, dead dead dead dead-_

trying not to cry. 

He sorted through clothes, grabbing the ones that felt most comfortable. Dressed Steve's wounds, his body, before putting him in bed.

Billy couldn't bring himself to leave, the thought of Steve waking up alone and afraid was enough to make him stay. 

Instead, he closed the door and laid down beside Steve, staring at the ceiling. 

He tried to stop thinking, stop himself from imagining the worst. 

(What if he didn't get there in time? What would've happened if they didn't plan this night? Would Steve be buried six feet underground?)

Billy stayed there for hours, just listening to Steve's harsh breaths and the whimpers that left his mouth.

He felt like his heart was breaking, tearing in two. All because of the boy laying beside him. 

~~~

Steve woke up hours later, the sun lowering behind the horizon. 

Billy had gotten up at one point, grabbing a glass of water. He knew, from experience, Steve's throat would be dry, hurting in a way that only water would sooth. 

Steve had turned, resting his head on Billy's chest, even though it must've hurt. He slung an arm around his shoulder, tapping it three times.

Tap, tap, tap. 

"Hey."

The voice was broken, cracked and hoarse. Wordlessly, Billy handed over the glass, watching as Steve gulped down the water. 

He was afraid to ask, but he felt like he should know. 

(Was John as bad as Neil? Was it over something small, something that didn't warrant a beating?)

Steve simply said, "Grades", as if that explained everything. 

Billy just hummed, kissed his head, and held Steve while he took harsh, shuddering breaths. 

An hour later, they went down to eat, ordering a pizza. Robin and Heather didn't act like anything happened, making Billy grateful. 

When they left, the girls went first, saying quick goodbyes and long hugs. Billy stayed behind, wanting more time with Steve, to solidify that he was _alive, that this wasn't a dream. That he wouldn't wake up only to go to a funeral never wanted to attend-_

that he was okay. 

He kissed him gently, tapping his heart three times. 

Billy didn't want to leave, he never wanted to leave. But, he had to, unless he wanted to get a beating that matched Steve's. So, he hugged him tight, before leaving into the night. 

Leaving has never felt so wrong. 

~~~

Summer was here, school had ended, and they all had jobs. 

Billy and Heather were lifeguards, Robin and Steve ice cream scoopers at the new mall. 

That was when everything went wrong.

Billy had been possessed, recruited Neil, then got it burned out of him. Fast forward to July 4th, where everything went downhill.

Steve had been tortured, his face bloody when Billy saw him walk into the food court. 

He was fending off Neil, getting El to safety when the Mindflayer roared. They were running out of fireworks, out of time. 

He saw Steve stumble to him, fear in his eyes. 

Billy was scared, too. 

(But, when wasn't he scared? He lived in constant fear, whether it was from Neil or his own emotions.)

Neil had thrown a punch, Billy caught it, then they were both stabbed. 

It caught him two more times, on both shoulders. The pain was excruciating, a blinding hurt that made Billy want to run away, to leave everything behind. 

Instead, he stood strong, stood through the pain, just to keep everyone safe. 

He ignored the look of horror in Steve's eyes, the heartbreaking reality that he was going to die. 

The gate closed, the Mindflayer dead and gone, but Billy was still dying. 

He tumbled to the floor, hurt washing over him as Max and Steve ran for him. 

Max sobbed against his chest, pleading that he was alright, that he would be okay. 

Steve kissed him, in front of everyone. Neither of then cared, they knew it would be the last time. 

Billy built up the last remnants of his courage, tapped Steve's heart three times, and mumbled, "Love you, Pretty Boy."

He saw realisation in Steve's eyes, before he muttered, "Love you, too, Baby."

Billy felt the life leave him, but he was happy.

He finally said it. 

~~~

Things were dark for a while, before he woke up. Doctors were everywhere, checking his pulse and brain waves. 

He was in a lab, with a number tattooed on his forearm.

**0017**

They forced him to practice, forced him to push and pull with their minds, making them fall under his control.

He hated it, hated every second of it, until he saw Steve. 

He saw him frequently, sad and alone. Standing where Billy was buried, never with anyone else. 

Steve drank, a lot. 

Billy felt his pain, amplified by his own. It wasn't until late August that he finally reached out, tapping Steve's chest three times. 

He watched as Steve sat up, his hand covering his heart. Billy saw his pendant hanging from Steve's chest, glinting in the late evening rays. 

Tears fell from his eyes as he opened them, his heart breaking from the love he held for the man. 

The love he held for Steve. 

So, he forced himself to comply with their demands, even if they were in another language. Even if they hurt him in the process. 

He was hurt, physically, mentally, emotionally. But he was alive, he saw Steve. He touched Steve. 

He needed Steve to know he was alive, that he still loved him.


End file.
